Special Interest

I was watering plants outside today, and spotted a honeybee going nuts pollinating the flower I was watering. Had to stop so as to let her do her thing. I saw a speck of pollen dangling from the tip of her leg. It was real cute. Yesterday, a butterfly flew past my head so closely that I could hear the flutter of its wings.

Huh. I knew I liked bugs, but I didn't expect three whole blog posts to have me rambling about them; In one month, no less. I'm not even sure if it's my special interest?

So I know for a fact that I have autism. Been diagnosed twice, both at a young age. There's no doubt about that. But I've had this feeling for a decade or so that I'm not sure what my special interest is?

Like, from what I see from others like me, a special interest seems almost akin to a "special talent" like cutie marks in My Little Pony. Something you like to learn a lot about & can typically school the Average Joe on.

For most of my childhood, I thought it was dragons, or even general fantasy. But I haven't read/watched/listened to every bit of dragon-related things. I never read Wings of Fire. I saw the How to Train Your Dragon movies, but never watched the series or read any books on it. Oddly, I don't have an interest in doing so. So later I thought it was general fantasy, but that subject is so vast I couldn't possibly know everything.

Come my 20s, and I wondered if my special interest is plants or bugs. But that subject is arguably even more vast! Plants are an entire kingdom of living creatures, and bugs?? I could never match the knowledge people like Sound of the Forest have! I was almost having an identity crisis. What do I like? I'm passionate about so many things!! What's a special interest, and what's a years-long hyperfixation?

But then I saw a short video that changed how I see special interests. It was a silly one about dinosaurs. The words "I don't even know that much about dinosaurs" and "I like them against my will" actually resonated with me. I don't have to know everything about my special interest. Yeah I know more than the average person about the moon cactus or arthropleura, but that's because I research them for fun.

Special interests are supposed to be fun, I think, because it's an interest. If I don't know a majority of foragable plants, it doesn't mean I'm not interested in them. It doesn't mean I won't sit & listen when I come across an expert talk about them. I still like these things.

So honestly I'm working on not sweating this stuff. It's nice to do self-reflection, but the things I like don't have to be labeled. Especially since most allistics don't know the lingo. To them, I just really like bugs. That's enough, I think.